Credit on Hold: ‘Your call is important to us’ and other lies about doing business in today’s world.

By Samantha Carney

London

MARCH 30, 2010

I have been on hold forever when they disconnect me. Now I am holding again, and wracked with anxiety. Will I fail, again, when they ask my birthdate?

“Thank you for holding,” the voice says. “Your call is important to us. We won’t believe you when you tell us the third and sixth letter of your mother’s maiden name. We will be asking you inane questions like whether the fifth button on your husband’s pink shirt is missing, and you’ll need to know even if he doesn’t own a pink shirt.

“We will be asking questions at random, as many as we like. And then we will disconnect you. You will try to call back, and once you get through to talk to the higher-up we recommended you speak to after failing our high-tech security protocol, we will then transfer you again.

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